i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
