he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
