Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
