Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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