3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
