my sisters under your porch take her home
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize