I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
