guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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