just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
