I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
