Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Of course I have a pirate flag
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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