I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
