smell my finger.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
