She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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