My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
