I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We named our party play list daddy issues
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
