I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
