What did we do last night that was yellow?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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