I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
