i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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