Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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