So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize