I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
