Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
