I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
