very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
