last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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