ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
