Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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