yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize