good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
