so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
