Apparently you make a good broom.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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