Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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