i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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