There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
