remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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