matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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