Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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