3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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