I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
