ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
