I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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