even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
