so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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