life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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