Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
