His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
