I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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