you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
