Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
