she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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