There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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