every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
