Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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