No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize