Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
