how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
