break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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