I'm passing your future prison.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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