I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
