found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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