Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize