are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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