You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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