We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
