Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
