Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
