I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
