it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
