he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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