I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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