The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
