You made me cry and you don't even care
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
