is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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